Learning to Grieve Without Rushing Healing

Grief is something most of us try not to talk about. We live in a world that moves quickly and quietly encourages us to avoid pain, to stay busy, and to keep going. Sitting still in our sorrow is rarely modeled for us. But what if I told you that grief is not something to rush past — it is something sacred to walk through?

Healing often begins when we allow ourselves to truly grieve.

Many people associate grief only with the loss of a loved one, but grief has many faces. It can come from divorce, the ending of a relationship, a job transition, moving to a new place, betrayal, unmet expectations, or wounds carried from past trauma. Grief is not limited to death; it is the emotional response to any meaningful loss. And when we ignore it, it doesn’t disappear — it simply waits to be acknowledged.

When clients walk into my office, I often notice the quiet heaviness they carry. Many don’t even realize they are grieving. They may say, “I should be over this by now,” or “That happened years ago.” Yet grief often reveals itself through avoidance, withdrawal, anger, intense emotions, denial, or even self-destructive behaviors. These reactions are not signs of weakness; they are signs that something inside still needs care and compassion.

When we refuse to make space for grief, it builds beneath the surface. We unintentionally neglect a part of ourselves because feeling seems too overwhelming. Maybe you’ve had a moment in the car when a memory surfaces — a broken relationship, a divorce you never wanted — and tears begin to rise. Instinctively, you might tell yourself, “No, I’m fine. Just move on.” We do this because we fear that if we let ourselves feel, we will lose control. But in truth, allowing grief to be felt gently and honestly often softens its intensity. The more we push it down, the stronger the waves become.

So what does it actually look like to grieve? And how does God meet us in that process?

Scripture gives us a powerful picture through lament. Lament is the act of bringing our sorrow, confusion, and pain honestly before the Lord. Much of the book of Psalms is filled with people crying out to God in fear, betrayal, and sadness. The book of Job shows us a man wrestling deeply with suffering and questioning God in the middle of it. Lament often follows a pattern: turning toward God, expressing honest complaint, asking for help, and ultimately choosing trust — even when understanding feels far away.

Some clients ask me, “Is it wrong to speak so openly to God? Can I really tell Him I’m angry or confused?” I want to gently reassure you: God is not offended by your honest emotions. He already knows your heart. Scripture says, “For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words,” Romans 8:26. He meets us with compassion, not rejection, and He sits with us in our mourning.

Grieving is a process, not a quick fix. I often describe grief as waves in the ocean. At first, the waves can feel relentless, crashing one after another. But as you begin to acknowledge your pain and allow yourself to feel, the waves gradually create more space between them. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning how to carry your story with tenderness and hope.

If you’re wondering where to begin, here are a few gentle practices that may support you:

Lament before the Lord

Set aside time to speak honestly with God. Cry, question, or even express frustration — He can hold it. Simple prayers like “This hurts” or “I don’t understand why this happened” are powerful forms of connection.

The “Grief Jar” Practice

Imagine a mason jar that holds your grief. Choose a specific time — even 20 to 30 minutes — to open that jar and allow yourself to feel, write, or pray through what’s inside. When the time is up, gently “close” the jar and return to your day. Many people find comfort in this practice because it creates intentional space for grief without feeling consumed by it. Your mind learns that you are not ignoring your pain; you are tending to it with care.

Seek Supportive Community

God designed us for connection. Healing often happens when our story is witnessed by others who can sit with us without judgment. Whether it’s a support group, trusted friends, or a therapist, you do not have to carry your grief alone.

If you find yourself in a season of grief right now, I want you to hear this: there is no timeline you have to follow. Your process is valid, your emotions are welcome, and your healing matters. Grief is not the opposite of faith — it is often where faith grows deeper roots. And even in the heaviest moments, you are not alone.

About the Author

Nathalie Potts is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern in Florida serving individuals, couples, and adolescents. She specializes in trauma, anxiety, depression, ADHD, addictions, and relationship challenges, using evidence-based and somatic approaches while thoughtfully integrating clients’ spiritual and faith values into the healing process.