When the Past Won't Stay in the Past: Healing Childhood Trauma with Therapy & Faith

What childhood trauma actually does to us

As much as some would like to believe or wish that we could, childhood trauma doesn’t stay in the past. It lives in our bodies, shapes our relationships, and quietly colors the way we see ourselves and the world around us. If you grew up in a home where there was abuse, neglect, instability, or loss, you may have carried those wounds into adulthood. And with that likely resulted in a lot of confusion that make a lot of situations feel unbearable, why certain relationships feel impossible, or why sitting still may never seem to feel comfortable to you. 

Why therapy matters for childhood wounds

All healing ultimately flows from God — and He is not limited in how He brings it. For many trauma survivors, He uses the work of therapy as one of His most profound instruments of restoration. Just as you wouldn't pray away a broken bone without also setting it, healing trauma often requires skilled, professional support alongside your faith practice.

Trauma-informed therapy, approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), or trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy works with how trauma is stored in the brain and body. These are not just "talking about it." They help your nervous system move through what was once too overwhelming to process.

A good therapist creates the kind of safe, consistent relationship that many trauma survivors never had growing up. Experiencing that kind of safety, where someone will stay, will not shame you, will not leave, is itself deeply healing. It rewires old expectations, one session at a time. Research consistently shows that trauma changes brain structure, particularly in the areas related to fear, memory, and self-regulation. Therapy that addresses these changes is not optional care; it is essential care.

EMDR: what it is and how it works

Of all the trauma-focused therapies available today, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is one of the most well-researched and, in my experience, one of the most profound. It may sound technical, but the concept is simple: trauma gets stuck. EMDR helps it move.

When something overwhelming happens, the brain sometimes can't fully process the experience the way it normally would during sleep or rest. The memory gets "frozen" – stored with all the original emotion, sensation, and belief intact. That's why a smell, a tone of voice, or a certain look on someone's face can send you right back to a moment from twenty years ago. The past isn't really the past; it's still present in your nervous system as if it's happening right now. For example, someone who experienced criticism or rejection as a child might find that a mildly disapproving look from a boss today sends their heart racing, their chest tightening, and their mind flooding with shame, not because of what just happened, but because of what happened twenty years ago. Their nervous system doesn't know the difference.

EMDR uses guided eye movements, tapping, or audio tones that alternate from side to side, to gently engage both sides of the brain at once. This mimics what happens naturally during REM sleep, the phase of sleep where the brain processes and integrates experience. With a trained therapist guiding the process, the stuck memory begins to loosen. It gets reprocessed, losing its emotional charge without the person having to talk through every detail of what happened.

EMDR doesn’t erase memories. It changes your relationship to them. What once felt unbearable to recall becomes something you can hold with distance, clarity, and often, compassion for yourself.

How I use listening prayer after EMDR

For clients who hold Christian faith, I incorporate a practice called listening prayer after the EMDR processing work is complete. The reason I do it in this order is simple: EMDR opens a space in the brain during reprocessing. Once the old pain, fear, and false beliefs have been moved through, something remarkable happens — God makes room. The Holy Spirit invites us to fill that space with love and truth from our Father in Heaven. 

Listening prayer is not a formula or a technique. It is simply the practice of quieting yourself before God and paying attention… noticing what impressions, images, words, or emotions arise as you wait in his presence. Unlike intercessory prayer, which is active and outward, listening prayer is receptive. It creates interior space. And trauma healing, at its core, requires exactly that: a safe interior space where buried things can finally surface.

Here's why the sequence matters: EMDR does significant work first. It moves through the frozen memory, loosens the emotional charge, and brings the nervous system to a place of greater calm and openness. Once that processing is complete, you will often arrive at what feels like a quiet clearing – a place where old beliefs have been disrupted and new ones haven't fully settled yet. This is precisely when listening prayer becomes so powerful.

In that open, settled space, I invite you to turn toward God and ask a simple question like, "God, what do you want me to know?" or "God, what's true about me?", and then to wait and notice, without forcing, what comes. Sometimes what arises is an image of comfort. Sometimes it is a word, a scripture, or simply a felt sense of being held. Whatever comes is gently explored, never manufactured.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Time and again, I have sat with clients who arrived at a core belief –  "I’m not good enough," "I don’t matter," "I deserved what happened to me" –  and watched that belief begin to shift, not just cognitively, but at a felt level, as they encountered the presence of God in the middle of their pain. That is not something I can produce as a therapist. But I can create the conditions for it. EMDR opens the door; listening prayer invites the One who heals to walk through it and meet you there.

This approach is not right for every client or every session. It requires trust, readiness, and a therapeutic relationship built on safety. But for those who are ready, it offers something that neither therapy nor prayer can fully offer alone – a healing that reaches the whole person, body, mind, and spirit.

You are not too broken to heal

One of the cruelest lies that trauma tells us through the enemy is that we are beyond repair – that what happened to us has permanently disqualified us from wholeness, joy, or deep connection. It is a lie worth naming, and worth fighting.

The brain is remarkably adaptable. Relationships can be repaired or even found for the first time. Stories can be rewritten, not by erasing the past, but by changing our relationship to it. Healing does not mean the hard things didn’t happen. It means they no longer have to run your life.

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

That promise is for you – not a sanitized, pain-free version of you, but the real, whole, complicated, still-healing you. Therapy and faith, working together, can help you move toward it. If you or someone you love is carrying childhood wounds, please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional who specializes in trauma. You don’t have to carry this alone… You were never meant to.

About the Author:

 Becky Lee is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern under the supervision of Rebecca Maxwell. She holds a B.A. in Psychology with a minor in Church Ministry and Leadership from Trinity Christian College and a Master’s in Education for School Counseling. Originally from Michigan, Becky has called Jacksonville, Florida home for nearly a decade and has been happily married for seven years. Before entering the counseling field, she spent over 12 years working in human resources, where she developed a deep appreciation for supporting people through life’s challenges and transitions. Becky works primarily from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) perspective and is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), helping clients process trauma and reshape unhelpful thought patterns that affect emotions and behavior. Becky can be contacted directly at beckyleecounseling@gmail.com or 904-689-1528.